Counseling faculty share tips for navigating grief during the holidays

EVANSTON, Ill. --- The holidays can intensify feelings of grief for people navigating a loss, but because most people’s association with grief is limited to the death of a loved one, they are less equipped to cope with other common types of loss.

Katherine Atkins, clinical training director and Sonya Lorelle, associate program director are core faculty members at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. They have co-authored a book aimed at preparing professional counselors to guide clients through grief.

Their research revealed four main themes for how grief emerges, which they call “spaces of grief,” to better represent how a loss can completely change the landscape an individual must navigate in their life journey.

The professors are available to discuss overlooked forms of grief and share tips for navigating grief during the holidays. To schedule an interview, contact them at katherine.atkins@northwestern.edu and sonya.lorelle@northwestern.edu.

A brief Q&A with Atkins and Lorelle follows:

Why is what most of us know about grief not helpful?

Atkins: Media and social media often lean on Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s stages of grief, which were written for people in the active dying process. The stages can create unrealistic expectations by suggesting grief follows a predictable, linear path with a clear endpoint.

Lorelle: Our research interviewing individuals about their experience of loss led to the development of our grief model, which includes spaces, rather than stages of grief.

What are some tips that can help people navigate their grief during the holidays?

Atkins: The first tip is to recognize grief is likely to be heightened during the holidays and that all reactions and responses to loss are a normal part of one’s grief journey. Grief is complex, and our culture puts pressure on people to get back to “normal” after suffering loss. If waves of grief come, it doesn’t mean you have failed, but rather it is a signal of how important the loss is in shaping your life. Acknowledge and honor the significance.

Lorelle: Grief is universal, but our responses are not. The most important thing is to be self-compassionate, and to consider what you need in terms of space and time. For some people, it can be helpful to create an exit plan or set a time boundary. Others may need to remind themselves to lean on their support system, create new traditions or find a way to honor those who are not with you in ways that serve you.